Do what you want

oh Hi, 

For a very long time I didn’t know what I want. I always used to fantasise about the perfect future but I always had a different fantasy every time I fantasise. That didn’t help me decide my future or what I want in my life. 

For a very long time I was alone and I didn’t like my own company. I needed someone with me. I wanted to have fun and laugh not just be in one room with my head. 

Over years and many different situations life threw at me I realised that I do like my own company. I like having the rhythm I have created for myself. I like talking to myself (we all do that, c’mon). I like how creative I get and how much I can get done. 

Of course this didn’t happen over one night. I have had many disappointing friendships and experiences. Some mistakes were smaller than others but through those mistakes you learn. You learn what you don’t like which is good because you can cross that of the list and try something new. I think it is better when you find something you don’t like/want as it pushes you to go and do or try something you never tried before. I think that sometimes when you know what you like you tend to stick with it and not try new experiences, I mean why would you when you like this one? 

I guess what I wanted to say in this post is that don’t be scared of mistakes. Don’t be scared of bad experiences. Do make mistakes so you will never do them again. When I was younger I always used to hear ‘learn form my mistakes’ but the thing is if it doesn’t hurt you, you won’t learn anything form it. What does’t kill you makes you stronger; that is true. Have bad relationships and friendships they will only teach you how to choose your partner or friend. They will teach you how selfish and bighearted people can be. Also just because it was a mistake it doesn’t mean that the friendship was bad. I had a friendships that didn’t last but I learned how much a person can love you. Now with that in mind I am going to message my long lost friend, not because I want her back, although I do but also because I think we need an explanation or she needs one from me. 

Don't be scared to make a step to the other side. 

Be brave.

Yours Izabele

xoxo 

P.S. The picture is from a beach I went to in Scotland. 

Travelling

Hi, 

I have a confession to make. I have been not blogging for a long time. I love blogging don't get me wrong but first exams happened and then I went away to my home land so I didn't have time to sit down and type. 

Today's theme is going to be traveling. A while ago I went to Scotland and I was suppose to blog about my experience but I never got a chance. Now that I have also travelled to Lithuania I'm can kind of merging these trips together.  

I was scared to travel to the places I've never been. The reason why I was scared was because I didn't have a travel partner. I didn't want to take my mum with me, I wanted to have some fun. Of course I travelled back home all the time by myself but I don't count that as a big trip as I know the country and I have some sort of family or friend living in almost every city in Lithuania. If I get lost I can just call them up and stay with them. 

Travelling to Scotland was a bit like that. I was staying with my cousin so I didn't need a travelling partner but I got to see so many new things that I really had the experience of travelling. Not just going to the same places like I do when I am back home. 

I will include a few pretty shots later. 

Before going to Scotland I saw a movie 'How to be single', which kind of made me open my eyes to the possibility of travelling alone. NO SPOILERS! 

 I was scared of travelling alone but now I really don't mind. You shouldn't be scared about being on your own in a country where you don't know anything, sounds sarcastic but trust me you will be fine. Have a few trips with your friends or by visiting your friends first if you need to but remember there are not many people that like the same things as you do and sometimes their situations don't always allow them to travel. 

I really want to travel somewhere alone. I want to be able to go to a museum in a country I have never been and see the exhibitions that I want to see.

My final thought is: Don't depend on anyone but yourself. Go out and do the things you like. You will feel amazing! 

Now for the pictures, I will add both Scotland trip and Lithuania trip so you can see how beautiful it is. I am not sure if there is anything I can say about where to go as I believe we all have different likes but if you want more details I will be more than happy to answer all of your questions.

Scotland

Inverness

Urquhart Castle, Lock Ness

Dunrobin Castle

Strathpeffer

Findhorn beach

Lithuania, Klaipeda

Lithuania, Ventes Ragas

Lithuania, Silute

Yours Izabele 

xoxo

Public Complements

I am pretty sure at some point in you life you wanted to complement somebody and I am pretty sure you have been complemented by someone too. If you have no problem coming up to people and complementing their lipstick or their coat I am jealous of you and this post is not for you. If you, on the other hand, really want to say something but have no courage then read on! 

Whenever I get a complement form a strange it feels weird. At first I get all defensive but then I feel really nice because somebody else liked my shoes or my bag.  It is nice to hear genuine words from someone you don't know. I really don't understand why I get defensive at first I just do, and I really want to change that. 

You have no idea how many times I have seen amazing looking stuff on people and I just couldn't kick myself enough to say something. Why? I don't know. It feels like I am getting in their personal bubble even though I am not. I like to receive nice comments so why can't I do the same got others.

I wanna make a promise to you and urge you to be bigger and better person and actually say something if you see something you like, I will do the same. 

We live in a busy and negative world and a little bit of sunshine is always very heart warming. You and I will be doing a good job making the person we are complementing believe they have made a good decision about a coat or a skirt or a dress. 

Can you complement people on the street without hesitation? Or are you like me and get scared of talking to strangers? 

Yours Izabele

xoxo

Self-Harm

Been there done that and now I'm here telling you it will get better. 

I didn't have the greatest childhood. Sure I had all the toys I wanted and the most beautiful dresses but I didn't have parents. Well they were alive but they weren't with me. My parents divorced when I was about 4 and then my mum moved to another part of the world to live. Back then I was too little to understand things like crisis and money and jobs, I just wanted to have my mum and dad around me. Since my mum wasn't on the same continent as me I was living with my dad for a few years. It was fun at first. We had the most amazing relationship and then shortly after he found a new wife. I wasn't a fan of her, I can't even say I really like her now but alas I had to deal with it. They got married and my brother was born. After some time I left my dads house and moved in with my grandparents. My grandparents were older so they were already on pensions and always at home. To be honest now I am forever grateful with everything they did for me but when I was 11 I didn't understand the generosity . I thought my life was over.  

I wasn't popular at school I had a few friends but not too many. I ditched my piano, well I was still "playing" but I didn't take it seriously. I thought my life was really bad and nobody cares and I just wanted to die. That dark aha. 

So I did stupid things like "cut" my arms. Those weren't cuts those were a little scratches. Not gonna lie I was scared. I was scared to cut my veins and die. But I wanted to die. Go figure. They didn't even bleed. And I still have the scars. Sure they are hardly visible but they are there and some people notice them. Also a camera picks them up too if I do a close up shot. 

Of course my grandma noticed them and bam everyone in the family knew about the cuts and suddenly I was in a centre of attention. 

Not gonna lie that attention felt fake. I got everything I wanted, I went to see my mum although we didn't have that much money to spare. However, I never got the nitty gritty to what exactly it was that made me self harm. I just did it because of attention. And to be honest I think I had another reason but I still don't know what it is. 

Now I am on a train journey to work with a home waiting for me after work and a really comfortable bed. Drawers full of make up and my own very exciting wardrobe. I go to university and I have lots of good friends that would do anything for me. It does get better, you get responsibilities, and memories to treasure, you enjoy certain moments of your life and you look forward to make new moments and momories. You find hobbies and interests. 

If I had an advise - is to get down with what it is that is bothering you. Find someone to talk to. Anyone, a friends, a parent , a teacher. I had many amazing teachers that I still love and I wish I had spoken to them. Or even seek doctors help. It is better to find the problem than suppress it and then later on in life you still going to have to deal with it if you want a happy life. Probably at that time that little problem was so small that you could fix it with only one sentence. However, when you grow and suppress it it becomes a huge huge problem that you might not even find a root of when you are grown. 

Form my own experience talking and telling people what is wrong is usually the solution to every problem. Yes some people might be offended or hurt for some time because nobody wants to receive a negative comment but they soon will get over it and may even respect you more. And some people don't even know that they are hurting you. If You can't read their minds so how can they read yours? 

I'd say stop the thoughts and look forward. You will get hurt so many times in life but you will always get up and get moving. That's just how it is. If you are rushing somewhere you just go past or even push all the slow walking people and reach your destination. This will happen with you when you get down. You have to push past everything and move on, you have a destination. I must say that getting over self harm doesn't mean my life is hearts and flowers. I have my worries too and my down days and angry days. I never have the self harm thoughts though. They are gone just like my teenage years. 

Please believe in yourself! You are the best version of you and you are unique and the only one in this world. 

It's easy to kill yourself but it takes blood and steel patience to go through life and you'll find it I promise! And then you will look at this little period of your life and think why were you so stupid! Honestly it is not worth the scars and tears and memories!!! 

Yours Izabele 

Xoxo

Quotes I Love

Now that we live in a world that internet is always with us, you tend to store up a lot of information. Quotes is a favorite of mine to store. I wanna share a few quotes I have acquired and love. 

Yours Izabele 

xoxo

Being Rebellious

Just do it!

I can't give you a lot of details of what exactly happened when and where as I would be told of but I can tell you a bit about me being rebellious and how it felt.

I was working a few days ago at a famous venue in London. David  Gilmour (lead giutarist of Pink Floyd) was playing and I had to look after 8 people and serve them drinks and food. I would only be able to interact with the people I was looking after before the show and in the interval. Which means I was allowed to stay with them in the auditorium. Whilst the show is on I had to sit in the basement where you cannot hear much. 

So me and my colleague we went for a hunt to listen David play and although we could hear it in the corridor we wanted to get it. And we did. 

It was amazing. Gimlour's playing was amazing and everything was live. 

The whole auditorium was full there were no spaces in balconies and the gallery (which is the top of the top where you have to stand). It was full house packed with people. 

To be able to go to such a concert is amazing but when you go there for free it is so personal. I was standing there and I was just blown away by music and emotion and how many people are there and the atmosphere. Also where we were standing we had the best view of the stage which just brought my excitement to the max! It is a memory I am going to treasure for life.

If you get a chance to do something rebellious which you are not allowed to do, please do it. It feels so good and naughty but it is the greatest feeling in the world. To be honest they aren't going to kill you they might just tell you off. You have nothing to lose.

I wish one day I'd go to such a concert as it was just mind-blowing amazing.

Yours Izabele

xoxo